We all experience judgmental thoughts and behaviors. Judging others or situations can help us ascertain if a person or situation is dangerous or safe. It is a mechanism of the reflexive part of our brain, the right hemisphere, that is taking in data points through sight and sound. Judgmental thoughts are rarely mindful and they happen all day long. The data we collect is too fast for the conscious, analytic parts of our brain, the left hemisphere. Developing awareness of judgmental thoughts through mindfulness can help us put bias aside.
It only takes a nano second for eye contact with another to bring back messages of perceive danger or safety. In the same time frame the thought “this person is not trustworthy or safe” can also form. This thought is a combination of data and long-held personal biases collected, mostly unconsciously, from your family, culture, or society.
Judgment, Bias and Opinion
Our nervous systems endency to form opinions about others based on limited information. This often leads to unfair or incorrect conclusions. Our the inner voice labels someone as “irresponsible” for being late or “lazy” by looking at someone’s appearance. While these thoughts might seem insignificant, they shape a mindset that fosters disconnection and misunderstanding. Often we are wrong — judging a book by its’ cover does not tell you the whole story held within.
Social media relies on your judgmental behaviors to keep you scrolling. Judgy thoughts can keep you occupied for a long time since the process uses both cognitive and emotional processes. For instance, seeing one image on Instagram can keep you occupied with judgy thoughts like “she does not look good in that outfit”. This can lead to looking for other images that could confirm “she does not look good in any outfits.” Gossiping usually follow which can then lead you to believing traits about this person you barely know. And then you realize you have just spent over an hour scrolling and judging, which probably increased your heart rate and put you into ‘fight or flight’.
Being mindful awareness of judgmental thoughts can help you discern if bias or an opinion is skewing reality. Perhaps a friend is late to meet for drinks because had a flat tire. This does not make them irresponsible. Noticing judgmental thoughts can help you to put them aside and see what else is true. Opinions may not be true and curiosity can uncover bias and unveil what is really happening.
How Judgment Shows Up in Daily Life
Judgment isn’t always loud or obvious—it can be subtle and disguised as concern. Judgmental thoughts or out loud statements could be snide remarks about someone’s fashion, criticism about their career path, jumping to conclusions without context, sharing negative opinions behind someone’s back, or expecting others to conform to our standards or agree with our perspective.
There is a ripple effect of judgment that goes beyond just the person being judged. The judgments shape our entire social environment, can damage relationships by creating distance or making others feel inadequate, can limit our growth and perspective by keeping us stuck in rigid thinking, and prevent us from learning and evolving. Additionally, judgment can permeate our workplaces, families, or social circles turning them into places of tension, defensiveness, and fear rather than support.
What to do with Judgment
At Flourish! our core values are built around mindfulness – the ability to be with something or someone just the way they are, without judgment and with objectivity. But how can we practice non-judgmental mindfulness when we are wired to judge and when judgment shows up everywhere?
The terms ‘no-judgment’ or ‘non-judgmental’ can be misleading since stopping your brain from producing judgmental thoughts is not possible in a normal, healthy brain. The founders of modern mindfulness incorporated an existing practice from the East, and poorly translated into a practice to suit the Western mindset. Trying to be present with someone just the way they are, without judgment, is a beautiful concept but us human beings are not wired to do this. We can’t make our right hemisphere stop receiving data that influences the defensive mechanisms of judgment, especially when the data coming in is unconscious.
What we can do is to be mindfully aware of judgmental thoughts and behaviors; the awareness of the judgments can help us to be non-judgmental. This may not make sense as you are reading this but in practice, it is something we can put into play.
Judgmental Thoughts and Mindfulness
If you have plans with a good friend to meet for lunch at 12pm and at 12:10pm you are there but they aren’t, your thoughts might quickly go to “they are always late, it’s so rude and selfish.” You have no idea if this is true. When your inner voice murmurs the words ‘rude’ and ‘selfish’ you can get pulled into negative emotions. You could believe your thoughts that your friend is truly rude, inconsiderate, and doesn’t care about you. But when your friend shows up at 12:12pm and apologizes profusely because they couldn’t figure out how to pay for parking with a new parking app it might take you a few minutes to orient away from being mad at them.
If the example above included mindful awareness having judgmental and biased thoughts the scenario may unfold quite differently. When we have the ability to be mindful, especially in a stressful moment, we can notice the thought “they are always late, it’s so rude and selfish”. We can also be aware that we are being judgmental. This awareness can help you get curious about other possibilities such as problems with traffic , parking or technology. Being present and mindful helps catch judgmental thoughts before they turn into words or behaviors.
Empathy, Curiosity & Self-Compassion
Breaking free from judgmental patterns takes time and practice; cultivating mindful awareness is a practice in itself. Slowing down with stress management exercises like breath work, yoga, meditation, walking / hiking / running outdoors or martial arts can help you to take pauses and notice your thoughts or behaviors. Once you can notice thoughts then becoming aware of judgmental patterns is possible with intentional effort.
Once you are aware of the judgmental patterns or thoughts you can practice empathy, challenge assumptions or cultivate curiosity. For instance, you could empathize with someone you were judging by imagining yourself in the other person’s situation and the challenges they might be facing. Or you could pause before jumping to conclusions and ask yourself, “Do I have all the facts?”
Two of our favorite ways to overcome judgmental thinking is to cultivate curiosity and develop self-compassion. For instance, when noticing you judged something as “wrong,” get curious about what else could be going on. Are there other facts or context you might be missing? Bringing curiosity into the present moment can transform the moment. Curiosity can be truth in and help you discern if bias or opinion are leading you astray. The conscious part of your brain is yearning for real data and curiosity does just that. Real data that overwrites bias can help you make non-judgmental decisions. Staying grounded in a neutral, non-judgmental space can lead us to feel and give compassion to others and ourselves. This can break the hold of negative, biased and judgey thoughts.
Creating a More Accepting World
Reducing judgment isn’t about suppressing opinions—it’s about fostering understanding and connection. Each moment of empathy, curiosity, and open-mindedness helps create a more compassionate society. Change starts with small choices, those choices add up and the common threads are mindful awareness.
So, are you ready to take on the challenge of bringing in more positivity? Putting aside judgment and getting curious ignites positivity and our connection to common humanity.
Needing assistance to become more mindful and less judgey? Get started with a Flourish! therapist today.
